sakura

fountain

children dash from side to side

delighted bursts of laughter

as the fountains spurt

suddenly

somehow responsive

 

I watch

delighted too

spirit lifted upwards

 

a miracle flies in to encourage me

A tiny blue, yellow and black ball of feathers hops from branch to branch of the rowan tree, before my window

A small miracle, right in front of my eyes - like a special message to tell me that, yes, the time is right for me to start writing.  Now I'm snug in bed again, under the duvet with my new notebook and pen, listening to the Cumbrian rain on my roof. Cup of coffee to my elbow to warm my hands on this chilly morning as I start the first of the morning pages. Bodhipaksa said, 'ten minutes, no stopping - write first, evaluate afterwards - if you don't get them in that order you won't write'. 

Enclosed by wood - you'd think that wood walls and ceiling would be dark, but it isn't so. The wood has glowing light and life to it. I love this lodge and was totally resistant when the park owners suggested we 'upgrade' to a new one which would look more like a city centre loft flat - all formica and stainless steel!. This is much more simpatico, much more my style.

And it reminds me of living on the 'Mulroy', beautiful Victorian yacht that I was on for seven years. Reminds me of sitting of an evening in the lamplight, with the hanging plants in the overhead hatch slowly swaying as we moved gently when the tide was in. It always felt like some spacecraft, not by looks but by the feeling of being separate from the rst of humanity. A solitariness that I found comforting. Reclining on the velvet cushions, reading or listening to music. A feeling of great contentment - some of the happiest days of my life.

taking the plunge

I had a Facebook conversation this morning in which I explained why I couldn't write....I found myself being quite ridiculous.

It went like this -

Me: Radical Honesty has arrived, also Mary Oliver's A Poetry Handbook. I'll take them away with me. Taking the latter doesn't mean I'll actually write anything. Keep buying beautiful notebooks in order to tempt myself onto paper, only to decide that they are far too beautiful to sully with the mundane drivel I'm likely to produce!

ET: pleased I'm not the only one with that notebook problem!

LG: Used to have the notebook problem, then one day decided to try it anyway. Haven't stopped writing since! Just give it a go!

BD: Perhaps you keep buying beautiful notebooks because you know you won't be tempted to write in them?

"Writers' block" is a manifestation of the hindrance of doubt, and it's extremely sneaky! I'd suggest you buy the crappiest notebook you can find, and do some timed writing. The rule is that your pen never stops writing for ten minutes, and you don't stop to change or correct anything. You have to bypass the inner critic (doubt) who tells you nothing you write is going to be good enough, by deciding that there's no such thing as "not good enough." Write first; evaluate your writing afterwards. Get those two things in the wrong order and you'll never write anything.

Me: OK, W H Smiths crappo dept here I come. I think it's because I don't feel I have anything to say. In part because I'm so aware of the effect that M.E. (hint - the 'encephalo' bit) has had on my brain so I have lost clarity of the thinking process and fluidity of thought. In part because I now respond to people and their questions rather than do anything original. And, because my energy is limited and because of my Taurean protestant tendencies and very formal education, any writing I do is much more formal and stilted than when I speak. Also, because of the above, I like things to be 'useful', so mediocre writing doesn't fall into that category. (And I'm surrounded by very creative writers!) This is why I haven't been able to continue learning the ukulele and mandolin, for example. However....I have recently had a long conversation with somebody about very similar tendencies in themselves to the ones above and was very encouraging that they take themselves less seriously and have some fun....tee hee.....we always teach what we most need to learn! I should have recorded my encouragement to them so I could listen to myself and take the advice!

BD: My motto (borrowed from GK Chesterton) is "If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." If you talk to the writers you know you'll find that their first drafts are usually pretty mediocre. But unless you have a mediocre first draft you won't have a slightly-less-mediocre second draft, never mind (eventually) a well-written seventh draft.

IC: This discussion is very timely for me as I sit in FB land instead of writing...I read somewhere that, "It's better to write shittily than not to write at all". Any advice on the best physic for 'constipated' authors?

Me: In order to work *with* my 'Scottish Protestant work ethic' conditioning, I have signed up for Fiona Robyn's http://www.fionarobyn.com/ecoursestapa.html. See, I've *paid" for it...so I'm more likely to do it (laughing at my silly bombu self!)

Me: We should be 'writing buddies' even though our writing is for different reasons and audience, what do you think, IC?

IC: Yes, please! Am off to Istanbul in 24 hours so when I come back, let's sort out buddying!

AM (my dad): Your drivel is never mundane, or hardly ever.

BD: My writers' group is really useful for prompting me to write! There's nothing like an artificial deadline, and the possible shame of turning up with nothing to read, to get the keyboard clattering.

..... I hope to look back at this and smile fondly at myself. Right, about to jump of the high board...