Dharmavidya writes:
Why not just be happy? What stops you? In general, what many people
would say is something to the effect of "I want to do/be/have
such-and-such but something stops me". They all seem to wish that the
"something" could be removed so that they could get what they want and
so be happy. However, it is noticable that getting what they supposedly
wanted commonly does not make them happy, or, at least, not for long and
that similar problems seem to reassert themselves. It is also apparent,
if one listens carefully, that the "something" is often substantially
of the person's own making or imagining. Often it is something that is
already in the past but to which they have many attached emotions.
Sometimes it does take time to get over grief, but grief does not go on
forever. One of the things that very commonly hinders people is the fear
that they will be over-whelmed with emotions that they cannot control.
Of course, there is a real world too. Jack pines because he loves
Jill and Jill will not or cannot marry him. He can think of nobody else.
Some of the best theatrical farce, drama and tragedy is built around
this kind of theme, of which Chekov, for instance, was a master. People
long for others they cannot have or marry people they do not really want
and are endlessly discontent. We all do it in varying degrees and much
the same happens with lesser life decisions than marriage. Adam Smith
proposed that if everybody pursued what they want general happiness
would ensue, but we shall never know if he was right because people
compromise and accept second best repeatedly, substantially because they
do not know what they really want and are not in a position to find
out. Single people envy married ones and married ones envy single ones.
Each dreams of the satisfactions but remains stubbornly blind to the
drawbacks of the other position. Enlightenment comes with seeing the
disadvantages, not just the select moments of triumph. If Jack knew Jill
better he might feel differently, but, of course, he cannot actually
know how she would be if she were married to Jack any more than she can.
To be happy is to be happy with what one happens to have, be and
do. It involves letting go of hankering, but without losing a sense of
an open future. Life is constantly presenting us
with new things so
what-one-happens-to-have is not constant. Also, one happens to have
various opportunities; more of them than one generally wants to
acknowledge. Life today has a much wider horizon in some senses than it
did for a medieval peasant. On the other hand, even though she or he,
as it were, painted their life on a much smaller canvass, they probably
had just the same palette of colours to paint with. Many people suffer
because they find it difficult to choose. It is difficult to choose
because one does not know all the consequences of one's choice. If Jill
relents and marries Jack and we visit them in five years time we may be
as likely to find her happy and him not as the other way around. It is
not easy to predict the future.
Also, people are rather addicted to having something to worry
about. It keeps them going. We are told to cultivate awareness, but
awareness fundamentally has its roots in wariness, which is what nature
has given us so that we watch out for danger. The best use of awareness
is to notice the disadvantages of what one hankers for and to see that
all this discontent is simply a function of living in a world where bad
things do happen. However, living in such a world also brings the
possibility of living nobly, vibrantly, compassionately and happily.
There is no pearl without grit and this world is full of grit. Happiness
does not consist in trying to pretend that the grit does not exist, but
in pulling down gossamer threads from the eternal in which to encase
the grit again and again until it shines as one bright new pearl.
So the happy person does not see something they want and something
stopping them; they see the drawbacks of things and a source of
spiritual richness that transcends those drawbacks. This is a different
orientation. It is the orientation that we call faith or vision. It is
what redirects a person away from going round in ever repeating circles
of confusion and misery and permits them to enjoy a purposeful life in a
world such as this one, or indeed, any world that happens to come
along.
This does not mean that such a person has no emotions nor that they
have no appetites. It means that they see such as the grit from which
the pearl is to be made. Such a person is probably quite down to earth.
They are not the sort of person who never mentions sex, never says a
rude word, talks in hushed tones about emotions, never says anything
critical except with a look of collusive dismay and so on. Such people
may be genuinely trying to be what they think of as a spiritual person,
but they have fallen into a completely counterfeit position,
unfortunately. You will never make a bright pearl by sweeping all the
grit under the carpet and refusing to speak to the grit merchant when he
calls.
A pearl maker lives a gritty life and, consequently, knows how to
laugh. There is nothing standing between one and one's hearts desire.
Love is the life you already have. Love makes grit into pearl - and is
its shine.
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