Trust, trustworthiness, seem to be big issues for me.....the giving of one's word. Loyalty. "My word is my bond". While knowing that one is not always trustworthy oneself and that one will sometimes break one's word....either through human frailty or because it's right to change one's mind on occasion.
I have been reading "El Camino del Encuentro" by Jorge Bucay. Learning Spanish is opening up for me a new universe of thought and literature which is absolutely wonderful. I am only a third of the way through this book, so I could still change my opinion before the end. Reading in a language not one's own slows one down a bit. Nonetheless, so far, I am finding his approach refreshing and stimulating. You know that feeling that you get when you read a book that says clearly things that one has felt intuitvely for a long time?
Here I'd like to share just one bit of his philosophy. He is looking at the question of intimacy. What does it take to have an intimate relationship? He is not just talking about couples. Intimacy can occur between friends, between family members, even sometimes in work situations, though in the latter case it is going beyond the requirements of the job. Intimacy is that type of relationship in which one can drop one's defenses and be willing to take the risk of being more completely available to the other person and inviting them to reciprocate.
Bucay asserts that there are three necessary conditions for intimacy: love, attraction and trust. He then goes on to point out that none of these are within the range of one's will. I can choose to respect you, but I cannot choose to love you. I cannot choose to find you attractive. I cannot choose to trust you. Either I do find you trustworthy or I don't. Either I do find you attractive or I don't. Either I find you loveable or I don't. There is not much I can do about it from my side.