I wrote this in 2017 - of course, I had no idea of how 2020 would turn out. Who could have imagined it? I've made a few changes
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These are some thoughts both with regard to yourself and for supporting others in dark times. They are based on my own experience.
Sometimes we just feel totally overwhelmed. We feel disconnected from faith. We question everything. We walk or sit to practice and it seems like a waste of time....how authentic or useful is this ridiculous thing I'm doing?, we think. Whirling thoughts fill our head. Sometimes there can be times of darkness to the extent that it feels hard to even take the next breath....
First, have faith that although this is a difficult period of time (and often for very understandable reasons) that all will be well and indeed *is* well - the sun is still there, even behind the dark clouds. If this has happened before you will have the experience that the faith was there even when you couldn't feel it. The spiritual path isn't always bliss! Sometimes it's very mundane and just 'doing it', going through the motions. Sometimes one seems to have lost the way...we all have, to greater or lesser degrees, experiences of 'the dark night of the soul'. Questioning, deep inward inquiry, is good! Remember Shakyamuni's advice to the Kalamas. Think about the basic Buddhist teachings and why you have chosen this path. Why it made sense to you in the first place.
I remember, in the time after 9/11 and before the Iraq war started, I was overwhelmed with grief at the thought of all the people who would die in the war and all who would be bereaved.....and that these deaths were not inevitable but would be caused by decisions that were being taken. I felt helpless to change this, as indeed I was. I was reminded, 'This is not me, this is not mine, this is not myself'. I hung onto this like a lifebelt. Until there were things that I could do, in a helping capacity.
If it is hard to practice, ease in gently. Use the nembutsu when you remember, in the midst of activity. Do a little walking and chanting - even a few minutes. Just do it. Whether you feel like it or not. Whether you think it does anything or not. Walk in the garden. Look at the sky. Practice with others when you can. Your practice will be 'fertilised' by being with the group.
And if you are leading a group, just do the practice. Don’t worry about not being authentic. As a priest, there are days when you have to ‘fake it till you make it’. It’s amazing what people receive through our practice even when we ourselves are not feeling it. Because it’s Amida that gives, not us! Also, giving a Dharma talk or answering questions....often I find that suddenly the inspiration is there, no matter what I felt a couple of minutes before. Someone’s words, and they don’t feel like mine, convey the sense of something wonderful. How thankful I feel then...
Namo Amitabha.
~ Sujatin
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