lotusinthemud

Some thoughts on difficult people - or dealing with people when there’s a difficulty between you

Pureland Buddhism teaches that we are all foolish beings - bombu - fully human, inclined to make mistakes, doing our best - maybe, sometimes not doing our best. Imperfect, inclined to ‘greed, hate and delusion’. With habit energies, habitual ways of seeing things, of interpreting, of reacting. Influenced by our history and by current circumstances and people around us. Run around by what is unconscious in us, by our shadows.

Yes, we are bombu.

Other people are bombu, too. So we look at them and we listen and we, eventually, learn to concede, ‘I am of the nature to…do that, say that’, too. These other people are not different to us. Maybe  we would act that way in similar circumstances…and we don’t fully know what’s bugging them today. The headache, the bills that they can’t afford to pay, the child who kept them awake all night.

They say That Thing - maybe we overreact, or freeze. Maybe we even see ourselves as we are doing so, but think we cannot stop ourselves. Whose voice is it we hear when they speak in that tone to us? We can reflect on this. Feel, yes, in this instance my reaction is justified or, I was wrong - feel some remorse. Perhaps I’m the difficult person....? Hmm. Do we need time out to reflect? Is that an option? Could I practice reacting differently the next time X happens?

So, we have different parts of us reacting in different ways to a situation. Different voices within. Can we listen to them, know where they are coming from? Which is the bullied or overlooked child? Which is our angry parent? Which is our own inner critic or tyrant? Which is a wise voice to listen to? 

If one of our inner voices is reminding us of Buddhist wisdom, yes, do listen. But do also be aware of the voice that says ‘A *good* Buddhist would…..’ or 'It wouldn't be very Buddhist to....'. The one that cares about how we look. The one that undermines other voices of experience. The one that could make us freeze. We do not have to be walked over. We do not have to allow ourselves or others to be abused, while wanting to be seen as a Nice Buddhist. Are we feeling the need to conform, to fit an ideal image, to please others? That stance is actually ego-driven and not authentic, although we may hate to admit that to ourselves. 

An important voice to consider, along with all the others, is your gut wisdom. The body knows things we do not allow our intellect to concede. Question it but do not be too hasty to override it. 

It’s always important to speak up on behalf of the oppressed, for example. We probably all have privileges that allow that. Otherwise power and greed will prevail. Look at the changes during the last 2 centuries when slavery has (mostly, officially) been abolished, more people can vote, trade unions have supported people, there are safety regulations in factories, women can take out mortgages and own property - and their own bodies. Work in progress which wouldn’t have started without people speaking out for themselves and others. I would have added racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia decreasing, and up to a point, they are, although there’s a disturbing resurgence. 

Even when we've found as much wisdom within that we can tap into, whatever we say, we may not influence the person in front of us - it is for them to hear or to choose not to. But maybe a small seed has been planted, maybe it’s not for us to know when it will start to sprout. 

But also - be willing to listen. Ask yourself whether the other person has a valid point. There’s some reason for them speaking or acting in that way. Be willing to imagine walking in their shoes. Be willing to look inward. Be willing to have been wrong. Don’t compound a past mistake of your own by protecting it to the death. 

Remember, too, however, that not everybody is bombu in a human making-mistakes fashion. Sadly there are amongst us, commonly seen in positions of power, those with personality disorders, addictions or huge greed who are happy to manipulate us to their own ends. Oblivious or uncaring of the havoc they create. Possibly welcoming and creating it. Often honing in on the vulnerable and kind hearted. It’s wise to be wary and not necessarily ascribe to others one’s own ideals, even knowing we can’t live up to them ourselves. The news is full of such charismatic leaders, who often have very dark sides and who consort with dark people. That charism can carry thousands of followers along with them, seemingly mesmerised. This century and last, along with historical times, has many of such stories. Don’t let others ‘get away with murder’. There may be others who need us to speak out, to stand against the stream, to stand shoulder to shoulder with them. 

So yes, try to avoid being swept away by knee jerk reactions. And, yes, ‘hate or repudiate the action and not the actor’, for whom we can have fellow feeling and some compassion - if they act badly there will be some consequence. Remember that even Shakyamuni was willing to speak sternly when the circumstance required it. Even to walk away, leaving his monks to argue amongst themselves, when they wouldn’t listen - preferring to spend time with the animals in the forest! 

Ask yourself - what’s your motivation? Mistakes will be made but motivation is important.

Realise that some inner conflicts cannot be resolved - this may be our koan.

If only we were enlightened! If only we could see the future - could know the consequences of acting this way or that, or of not acting at all!  Unfortunately only a Buddha will do the right thing in each circumstance. And we are not Buddhas.

Faith in the Midst of the Fire ~ Dharmavidya

Dharmavidya:

PAIN IN A BOMBU WORLD

In the on-line order meeting this past Saturday I said that in relation to the current world crisis caused by the arrival of a virus for which, as yet, we have no cure, I am a happy pessimist.  I’ll say a little more on this subject.

Firstly, the pessimist.  Clearly, in the present situation, there are large numbers of heroic individuals who are doing everything they can to ease the suffering of others.  Most of these are ordinary people doing relatively ordinary jobs.  Stocking shelves in a supermarket or sitting at the till was not, until this eventuality, widely regarded as a heroic activity.  Then there are nurses and doctors who, in many cases, are in serious danger.  Yesterday a doctor died here in France from the virus contracted by contact with a patient. 

The suffering is real.  To die in this way is no picnic.  Furthermore, those who are in hospital are often elderly people, already frail, and they have the added misfortune that their younger relatives are prohibited from coming to comfort them.  A miserable situation indeed.  And it may come to any of us. I myself must be in one of the risk categories due to my age and existing lung damage, but even people much younger and fitter are sometimes falling foul of the most terrible effects.  The fatal element in the illness is caused by one’s own body’s defensive reaction to the virus that, as it struggles against the invader, inflames the inside of the lungs making it impossible to breathe.

The Buddha spoke of eight afflictions - birth, aging, disease and death, loss, association with what we hate, failure, and the skandhas. In this epidemic many of these are conspiring to make our existence one big heap of dukkha.

Now I have been following events and reading commentaries in the media and there are a number of essays expressing the sincere wish that this will be the kind of shock that will lead us into a better world once the crisis is over.  The examples of heroism may become the norm for us all.  A new era of love and kindness may dawn.  There are also items suggesting what needs to be done in terms of international cooperation, restoring faith in ethical leadership, and trusting the good sense of the honest citizen.  All of these accounts are inspiring and often wise.  However, I have no expectation that they shall come to pass.  This is my pessimism.

There were hurricanes and we did not heed.  There were fires in the great forests and we did not heed. There were floods.  Now there is a pestilence.  Will this turn the hearts of the rich to help the poor, the profiteers to share their gains, the warmongers to turn to pacifism - probably not.

I am not so sanguine about human nature.  I recognise that we are all bombu.  What will actually happen will not be a function of wise collective human decision making nor of responsible citizens having confidence in virtuous governments. It will, rather, be a function of decisions made on the hop with little thought for the long term consequences.  This is partly because we do not have the prescience to know what those consequences are going to be.  There undoubtedly will be many, but predicting them is not at all easy.  Some projections can be made on the basis of what is already happening, but it is of the essence of situations like this that the unexpected will triumph.

The scourge will probably last longer than governments are currently assuming.  To have it all over by mid-summer is probably wildly optimistic.  There will obviously be a massive economic effect from the measures already in place.  It will take a long time to get "back to normal" if that ever happens, and along the way a lot of the capital that civilisation depends upon will have simply disappeared.  Governments will almost certainly have to start printing money as the only way of getting out of the huge debts they are currently running up. and this will probably fuel a sudden surge of inflation  The USA will be in a fair degree of chaos because it does not have the systems of social control that exist in the Old World, and as it is the leading economy that chaos spells trouble for everybody else on top of the damage that will already have been done directly by the virus.  So we may well be on the cusp of a descent into a period of considerable disorder.  This is my pessimism.

DHARMA-VINAYA

How does one remain happy, or at least sanguine, in the midst?  By faith and practice.  The Buddha has given us the Dharma-vinaya.  It may be a bit old and rusty after all these centuries.  It may have degenerated somewhat.  We may even be in the Kali Yuga - Mappo - the Dharma ending age; but even in Mappo it is possible for there to be upwellings of faith and practice (which is what Dharma-vinaya originally meant).  In fact, in the history of the world, it has often been in the Dark Ages that the finest spirit has shone light in the gloom.  The Dharma given by Buddha is a recipe for a noble life in the very midst of the realm of poison.  Like the proverbial peacock, it transforms the poison into nourishment.

Furthermore, even if one is the last person on the planet in possession of this precious Dharma treasure, it alone is enough to carry one through the fires at the end of the universe.  Therefore, I am not afraid.  Death has no sting.  The test of one’s Dharma practice is the manner in which one faces death.  If I ask my Japanese friends what Pureland Buddhism is all about they are likely to say that it is about “the one great moment”.  The one great moment is the one that we shall all pass through - the moment of death.  So the question is, are you ready?  When something like this plague comes along, we are all called to think of our death and of the deaths of those around us.  How we meet this determines the whole tenor of our lives.   

None of us knows exactly how the nembutsu works, how the grace of Amida unfolds, how the Pure Land will appear, but we can have faith.  We can have absolute confidence that at that great moment we are going home, and that beyond that going home other destinies shall unfold.  Those who live with faith in the prayers of Buddha shall all be Buddhas one day and those who entrust to the heart to heart bond that supports us in the sangha shall meet in the Pure Land one way of another.

When I sat by the bedside of my mother in the last week of her life, I was inspired by her calm acceptance.  She had me describe the Buddhist teaching on the afterlife and there was a great peace between us.  Those who are close to death participate in a spirit that is often completely occluded in the hubbub of everyday, supposedly healthy, life.  I place my faith in that spirit.  Whether the precise descriptions that one reads in the great texts are exact or not matters not one whit. An iota of such faith will carry one through.  Therefore, I am happy.

And if one has such spiritual confidence, then, if one is granted more years, that joy and ease cannot help but spread, like a positive virus, infecting those who are not inoculated against it.  They may be few - those with but little dust - but they will be a leaven and through them the Dharma of Buddha will continue to inspire, the grace of compassion shall continue to be transmitted, and there will be a light in the world, not withstanding that the majority retain a herd immunity to accepting it.

Do not be dismayed by the greed, hate and delusion that is around - the hoarding and the negligence of sane instructions - even the pessimistic prospect.  People find it difficult to change and when they are frightened they often act in ways that multiply the dukkha rather than making it a spring-board for awakening.  We are all such foolish beings.  Do not expect too much, but have faith.  Though the world be all on fire, the Dharma enables one to walk through that fire to help the one in need.  Trust. Namo Amida Bu.

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Dharmavidya on Solitude

 

 

What Keeps Buddhist Activists Sane?

Satya writes:

In January, I co-facilitated a weekend retreat for Buddhists from different traditions who are involved in eco-activism. Various themes and questions emerged during our time together. There were questions about how arising anger could be used in the service of activism, and how this fitted with Buddhist ethics. There was frustration about Buddhist colleagues who were in denial about the climate and ecological crises, and how they might be skilfully influenced. There was a lot of despair and grief.

One of the themes that arose repeatedly was the immensity of the task ahead and the inadequacy of our efforts. One colleague came up with a beautiful metaphor for this. He described himself as a drop of water, surveying a vast lake. The lake had been whipped up into fierce waves and he was trying to decide exactly where to add his drop of water in order to calm the whole thing.

This struck me very deeply as I have been wrestling with a similar dilemma. My life is already quite full. I run a Buddhist temple with my husband, which involves wearing various hats: landlord, celebrant, marketing executive, accountant, gardener. I work as a psychotherapist to earn my living, and I make space for writing books as a way to feed my soul. How can I fit my new role as an eco-activist into this busy schedule without overloading myself and becoming useless as a holder-of-space and as a guide for others. In the precious time I do have available, exactly what should I be doing? The fate we are facing is so terrifying, I also wonder why I don’t just relinquish all of my other roles, as some of my friends have done, and sign up for full-time work with Extinction Rebellion.

We sat with these questions as they swirled inside us. It was helpful to know that others sat with them too. It was also helpful to study a beautiful text by Akuppa* on how to be a Shambhala warrior, with sage advice for Buddhist eco-activists including simplifying our lives, remembering we can’t save the world on our own, and balancing outer activity with inner sustenance. Still, I was left feeling daunted and overwhelmed by the task ahead.

On the second morning I offered a piece of our liturgy to the group. As a Pureland Buddhist, my primary relationship is with Amitabha Buddha, the Buddha of Infinite Light. Amitabha (or Amida) is flanked by two attendant bodhisattvas—Quan Shi Yin, also known as Guanyin, Avalokiteshvara, or Kannon, and Tai Shi Chih, also known as Mahasthamaprapta. The piece I shared was the Tai Shi Chih Prayer, written by our teacher Dharmavidya David Brazier, and set to a very simple melody.**

A different approach to activism

I've been involved in a few Activist activities during the past few months. There are issues I feel strongly about and I'd rather 'stand up and be counted' than just chunter away on social media.

I was more than happy to take part in an Extinction Rebellion demonstration in Malvern, during our Bodhi gathering there in December, which seemed very powerful. Pleased that Caroline and Satya invited me to join them. I've marched and waved flags, held banners. And yet...

If I say that I realise these activities are very important - but not my style, well, that sounds a bit precious. It's not that I don't want to make the effort. Not that I don't want to 'be seen'. I have experience: anti-apartheid, Free Nelson Mandela, boycotting SA fruit, continuing, of course, to boycott Nestle.

In 2003, before the outbreak of the second Gulf War, I had taken part in the huge march though London. Prior to that I had followed Dharmavidya as we walked in silent meditation opposite Downing Street, in front of a large crowd. This was the first very public outing of my robe. Following my teacher because - well, one follows one's teacher, even if one's face is rather pink. As in so many circumstances, reminding myself, "It's the robe that does it'.

And later I joined demonstrations beside Newcastle's Grey's Monument. In all of these cases there was something inside of me that shrank from angry and aggressive shouts. We watched as passers by turned their faces away, rushing past, not wanting to hear the messages shouted so loudly. I wasn't the only one to feel unease - in Newcastle we found that people from other Buddhist groups and of other faiths would come to join Colin (a long-term member of the Amida Newcastle sangha) and myself - identifying us by my red robe, his red clothes. 

On other occasions, Colin and I would sit in silent meditation at the foot of the monument, holding 'Buddhists For Peace' posters. Even groups of lads, out on the town and trying to engage us in banter (initially quite challenging), would wait until we finished and then ask questions. We got used to ignoring and then quieting our own inner embarrassed voices, remembering what we were there for, grieved at the thought of the lives that would be lost and the devastation caused.

So, now.... I cannot join in every campaign. I have decided to prioritise environmental concerns. I would join in with Extinction Rebellion Buddhists UK, like Kaspa and Satya, if there was a group near here. And I'd set up a group here, except there are family issues holding me in limbo just now. I want any activism to encompass my vows. (Some protest groups are very shouty and some have factions who shout unpleasantness. Yes, there are things to be perturbed, even angry about but, though some people may feel encouraged and inspired, as I've said above, many of the 'currently unconvinced' can be turned right off). Also there's my own diminished and variable energy - M.E., still affected, too, post TGA. So, at the turn of the year, I grappled with the question of what I could do - knowing that I couldn't do nothing.

Thus it was with great delight that I discovered the Craftivist Collective! I read:

Founded by award-winning campaigner Sarah Corbett, the Craftivist Collective is more than an alternative use for craft. Our gentle protest approach to craftivism aims to change the world with deliberate, thoughtful actions that provoke reflection and respectful conversation instead of aggression and division.

Craftivism is for everyone from skilled crafters to burnt out activists, and those people who want to challenge injustice in the world but don’t know what to do, where to start or how to prioritise their energies and time.

Here was a place where I could feel inspired to bring activism, knitting/weaving/embroidery together with Buddhist principles together. And where lack of energy wasn't a barrier. And quiet, thought provoking, even gently provocative messages, beautifully and quietly produced (not necessarily perfect though!) can make more of an impact than the loud. This also encompasses my word for the year - Listen. Before everything, be still - watch and listen.

So now I have books and kits, threads, needles and fabric and I can sit quietly in the evening, with my dog on my knee, planning and embroidering

:: this is where my learning and projects are to be found

 

Update: I'm also going to bear in mind, as I contemplate what my banners etc might say, the Three Tenets of the Zen Peacemakers:

Not-Knowing

Bearing Witness and

Taking Action. These and Craftivism seem to have much in common.  

:: Three Tenets of the Zen Peacemakers

Update: 31/01/2020

A Dharma of Earthsea

Johnathan writes:

I recently got around to finishing Ursula K. Le Guin’s A Wizard of Earthsea. The novel follows Ged, a talented magic user, as he pursues his dream of becoming a great wizard. Though his aspirations were great, his education was frustrating for him, particularly at the beginning.

His first teacher was a renowned wizard in his own right, known as Ogion the Silent, who was famous for stopping a great earthquake that almost destroyed Ged’s homeland of Gont. As his name implies, he was a very quiet person. “He spoke seldom, ate little, slept less. His eyes and ears were keen. and often there was a listening look on his face.”

:: continue reading here

Talmudic Dharma: Four in the Orchard ~ Dharmavidya

Dharmavidya:

This morning as we had a delicious drawn out breakfast here in Petach Tikwa near Tal Aviv, a massive thunder storm developed lashing the building with wind and rain.  Vimala shared with us a story from the Talmud that has provoked many different interpretations among Jewish commentators and asked for our view.

He read to us from the book.  The book is laid out in an interesting way.  On each page the original Aramaic text is in the middle and the Jewish translation is to one side.  The various commentaries then unfold in a spiral around the page going down the right hand side, across the bottom right to left and then up the left side.  The text is small and dense, so there is a huge amount of traditional wisdom condensed into this volume.

The story is as follows. Four people enter the orchard.  They are told that in the orchard they will find the true marble.  They are warned that, when they see the marble, not to think of it as water.  The four each has a different experience.  The first, second and fourth are known historical figures, the first and second being lay seekers from distant history and the fourth being a famous rabbinic teacher.  The third is simply called “the other one”. The experiences of the four who enter the orchard are as follows.

The first peers into the marble and immediately dies.

The second glances at the marble and is wounded and goes mad.

The third sees the marble and cuts down all the trees.

The fourth sees the marble, is unharmed and goes forth into the world.

Vimala told us some of the traditional interpretations.  There is general agreement that entering the orchard refers to entering upon the spiritual path and that the marble represents the holy of holies, the shekinah, God. But what of the rest of the story?  Here opinions are diverse.  Some think that it tells us how meeting God can be dangerous.  Many are confused especially by the experience of the third person and by his lack of any specific designation.  Also, why is only one of the four a rabbi?  And so on.  A common assumption is that they represent good and bad ways of understanding, usually it being taken that the fourth is the best.

What did I think?

It came to me that all four represent valid ways of being on the spiritual path.  They are all good, but they are different styles.

There are those whose attention is transfixed by the Holy.  They are seized by Amida completely.  The ego dies.  They are completely intoxicated with this sacred vision; so much so that they are as if dead to the worldly world.  They are completely unified with the Love.

There are those who see the Holy and it “wounds” them.  This is like falling in love.  The lover longs for the Beloved.  To the observer, such a person is mad.  They do not care about worldly conventions. They only long to find the Beloved, to enter the sacred spirit.

There are those who encounter the Holy and are inspired toward purity.  Everything that is not the true marble is cut down.  This is the path of the Arhat, the purist.  They cannot bear that anything other than the Holy exist.  They seek passionately to renounce and eliminate all trace of impurity from their life.

There are those who encounter the holy and then go forth into the world to spread the Dharma.  This is the path of the bodhisattva.

Regarding the names, the first three are all lay followers and the last is one who takes on the religious life in a more formal way.  The first two and third are specifically named because those figures from history illustrate these ways of being.  The third is not specifically named because this is the common way of doing things - ordinary people associate spirituality with moral strictness.

Regarding not seeing water, perhaps this is not to see one’s own reflection (as one does in water), or anything that flows away, but to see the “true marble” which, like diamond in Buddhism, represents the enduring substance - that which is not impermanent. 

We then had a rich discussion of the different ways that one can play with these ideas as a means of understanding the spiritual path and the holy life.

Good food, good company, good discussion and remarkable weather - a fine breakfast.

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A word for 2020

I’ve been contemplating which word would inspire me for 2020. This is a practice that Satya started either last year or before.

Of course the words that come to mind, immediately, and the only ones that really matter, are the nembutsu - Namo Amida Bu or, in one word form, Namandabu.

But for this year specifically? 

Having relinquished some of my responsibilities recently, I am drawn to spend more time contemplatively. And to put more attention on reading and crafting. This won’t preclude other activities or activism. But I’m not feeling shouty. There are enough people shouting. And shouting does have its place - there’s a lot going on politically and, most critically, environmentally, that should be brought to peoples’ attention, along with urges to ‘do something’ or to ‘stop doing …’.

What are the words that are coming to me to consider? Quiet or the Scottish form, which I prefer, Wheesht (I'm reading an excellent book on creativity called Wheesht, by Kate Davies). But the word that seems to claim me, seems to have chosen itself, is Listen.

So stopping, not clamouring or being taken over by clamour, which can drown out important messages, but listening. What is that person really wanting to say? What response is appropriate at this moment, if any? What is nature telling me?  What am I learning - and it seems that my ageing confirms how little I know? What can I create that chimes with this mindset?

And onto my Facebook page this morning - how synchronous - popped something I posted two years ago: 

“When you talk you are only repeating something you already know. But, if you listen you may learn something new “ 

~  HH The Dalai Lama

So, Listen, it is.

Video of Post-Mappo and the Innocent Heart by Dharmavidya David Brazier

Bodhi gathering 2019 - talk one. Rev Master Dharmavidya David Brazier gives the first talk of our Bodhi gathering.

"In this time of materialism it is not even possible for people to follow the path of faith with any ease. In fact, many people have become inoculated against faith by exposure to its degenerate forms. What can possibly avail us in these latter days? Life has become immensely complicated. People are under pressure from all sides to conform to the path of worldly success." "The innocent heart is unselfconscious. Through innocence one can find faith renewed. Through faith renewed one can find the real meaning of the practices. In these real forms one can meet the Tathagata. Meeting the Tathagata one can receive the transmission. It all unfords naturally. We are in the fourth age, the Post-Mappo, and a return to the simplicity of innocence is now the only gate that is not locked."

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Post-Mappo Rediscover Innocence ~ Dharmavidya

The first Dharma talk of the 2019 Bodhi Retreat at Amida Mandala. Dharmavidya writes:

In my Dharma talk today I suggested that we are now in the fourth age of the Dharma. In the first age of the Dharma Buddha Shakyamuni was still in this world or had recently passed away and people became enlightened by direct encounter with him or with one of his great disciples. This was the age of direct inspiration.

In the second age of the Dharma, people were able to become enlightened and enter nirvana by means of self-power practices. It was not that these rituals had an intrinsic power, but they were what still connected practitioners with the original source. By doing what Buddha did, people received the transmission. This continued for eight hundred years or so.

By the third age of the Dharma, called Mappo, things had deteriorated. Although the self-power practices remained a shining example, there were few or no people capable of actually realising them. The times were degenerate. At this time there arose teachers who showed the path of faith as the only available possibility for deluded beings to reach the Buddha and receive the transmission, if not in this life, then in the next.

Now we are in the fourth age, the Post-Mappo. In this time of materialism it is not even possible for people to follow the path of faith with any ease. In fact, many people have become inoculated against faith by exposure to its degenerate forms. What can possibly avail us in these latter days? Life has become immensely complicated. People are under pressure from all sides to conform to the path of worldly success.

Those who still attempt self-power practices do so mostly for the sake of this-worldly benefit. We do not have Shakyamuni nor Shariputra, Kashyapa nor Ananda to show us the way. We are more sophisticated than the people of old, but this very sophistication blocks our way back to the source. What is needed now? What is needed now is a return to innocence.

Only by cutting through the interminable woes and worries of our age can we hope to find the light and this cutting through involves a great simplification and lightening. Lighten your life! Reclaim the innocent eye of the child without letting go of the knowledge gained by maturity. Learn once again to play and skip. Life has become too heavy.

We are all weighed down by possessions and responsibilities, deadlines and protocols, debt and work. Riding the Dharma, leap free. Break out of the prison. Embrace nature. Let the mind expand in wonderment. Talk to the stars and bathe in the light of the moon.

The innocent heart is unselfconscious. Through innocence one can find faith renewed. Through faith renewed one can find the real meaning of the practices. In these real forms one can meet the Tathagata. Meeting the Tathagata one can receive the transmission. It all unfords naturally.

We are in the fourth age, the Post-Mappo, and a return to the simplicity of innocence is now the only gate that is not locked.

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