Pureland Buddhism teaches that we are all foolish beings - bombu - fully human, inclined to make mistakes, doing our best - maybe, sometimes not doing our best. Imperfect, inclined to ‘greed, hate and delusion’. With habit energies, habitual ways of seeing things, of interpreting, of reacting. Influenced by our history and by current circumstances and people around us. Run around by what is unconscious in us, by our shadows.
Yes, we are bombu.
Other people are bombu, too. So we look at them and we listen and we, eventually, learn to concede, ‘I am of the nature to…do that, say that’, too. These other people are not different to us. Maybe we would act that way in similar circumstances…and we don’t fully know what’s bugging them today. The headache, the bills that they can’t afford to pay, the child who kept them awake all night.
They say That Thing - maybe we overreact, or freeze. Maybe we even see ourselves as we are doing so, but think we cannot stop ourselves. Whose voice is it we hear when they speak in that tone to us? We can reflect on this. Feel, yes, in this instance my reaction is justified or, I was wrong - feel some remorse. Perhaps I’m the difficult person....? Hmm. Do we need time out to reflect? Is that an option? Could I practice reacting differently the next time X happens?
So, we have different parts of us reacting in different ways to a situation. Different voices within. Can we listen to them, know where they are coming from? Which is the bullied or overlooked child? Which is our angry parent? Which is our own inner critic or tyrant? Which is a wise voice to listen to?
If one of our inner voices is reminding us of Buddhist wisdom, yes, do listen. But do also be aware of the voice that says ‘A *good* Buddhist would…..’ or 'It wouldn't be very Buddhist to....'. The one that cares about how we look. The one that undermines other voices of experience. The one that could make us freeze. We do not have to be walked over. We do not have to allow ourselves or others to be abused, while wanting to be seen as a Nice Buddhist. Are we feeling the need to conform, to fit an ideal image, to please others? That stance is actually ego-driven and not authentic, although we may hate to admit that to ourselves.
An important voice to consider, along with all the others, is your gut wisdom. The body knows things we do not allow our intellect to concede. Question it but do not be too hasty to override it.
It’s always important to speak up on behalf of the oppressed, for example. We probably all have privileges that allow that. Otherwise power and greed will prevail. Look at the changes during the last 2 centuries when slavery has (mostly, officially) been abolished, more people can vote, trade unions have supported people, there are safety regulations in factories, women can take out mortgages and own property - and their own bodies. Work in progress which wouldn’t have started without people speaking out for themselves and others. I would have added racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia decreasing, and up to a point, they are, although there’s a disturbing resurgence.
Even when we've found as much wisdom within that we can tap into, whatever we say, we may not influence the person in front of us - it is for them to hear or to choose not to. But maybe a small seed has been planted, maybe it’s not for us to know when it will start to sprout.
But also - be willing to listen. Ask yourself whether the other person has a valid point. There’s some reason for them speaking or acting in that way. Be willing to imagine walking in their shoes. Be willing to look inward. Be willing to have been wrong. Don’t compound a past mistake of your own by protecting it to the death.
Remember, too, however, that not everybody is bombu in a human making-mistakes fashion. Sadly there are amongst us, commonly seen in positions of power, those with personality disorders, addictions or huge greed who are happy to manipulate us to their own ends. Oblivious or uncaring of the havoc they create. Possibly welcoming and creating it. Often honing in on the vulnerable and kind hearted. It’s wise to be wary and not necessarily ascribe to others one’s own ideals, even knowing we can’t live up to them ourselves. The news is full of such charismatic leaders, who often have very dark sides and who consort with dark people. That charism can carry thousands of followers along with them, seemingly mesmerised. This century and last, along with historical times, has many of such stories. Don’t let others ‘get away with murder’. There may be others who need us to speak out, to stand against the stream, to stand shoulder to shoulder with them.
So yes, try to avoid being swept away by knee jerk reactions. And, yes, ‘hate or repudiate the action and not the actor’, for whom we can have fellow feeling and some compassion - if they act badly there will be some consequence. Remember that even Shakyamuni was willing to speak sternly when the circumstance required it. Even to walk away, leaving his monks to argue amongst themselves, when they wouldn’t listen - preferring to spend time with the animals in the forest!
Ask yourself - what’s your motivation? Mistakes will be made but motivation is important.
Realise that some inner conflicts cannot be resolved - this may be our koan.
If only we were enlightened! If only we could see the future - could know the consequences of acting this way or that, or of not acting at all! Unfortunately only a Buddha will do the right thing in each circumstance. And we are not Buddhas.