Dharmavidya, April 7, 2025:
This morning in zazen I could feel the fire in my mind. This was from the mixture of feelings stirred up yesterday. I watched a film of a historian talking about the world situation and found his remarks very sensible. It was refreshing and even exciting to hear somebody who sees what is going on rather than the chatter that one hears all the time from people all clinging to illusions of the past. So that was a worldly influence that excited my mind. Then, also, I had watched some of the wonderful ceremonies at Zogoji in commemoration of Honen Shonin. This had stirred me in a different way, with much nostalgia for Japan and the sense of participation. I could happily have been a member of the crowd. Now, in zazen I strove to find the still point in he midst of all this. It was like a battle, or like fighting a forest fire. Time passed very swiftly. Every so often I got a glimpse of clarity, but the passion fought back. Sometimes sitting is like that, as if one is drowning. Every sitting is unique in content, but the samadhi is the same.
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Breathing out, Namo Amida Bu, I relax into nothingness. Completely empty. I have disappeared. Then the inbreath comes of its own accord. Oh, I am still alive. Inhalation complete, arrive at the balance point. Pause. Know it. Another stillness, emptiness. Then exhalation begins. Namo Amida Bu. Body very still. Everything melting away. Yet, watching, feeling for the still point. Great silence. Continuing, the breath gradually, naturally gets shorter and awareness moves from the nose to the belly, the hara. The strength is in the hara. The sense of stillness and the sense of movement of breath merge into one sensation - stillness that gently moves, gentle movement that is inherently still. As the breath shortens, Namo Amida Bu becomes Amida, or just ‘mida. Great peace pervades. Great stillness. Vast as space. Now and then thoughts or images intrude - offer hthem up: with the in-breath I give You this visitor. Namo Amida Bu, return to nothingness. A vibrant peace. A potent, yet unmoving energy. Bright, shining.
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Shunryu Suzuki wrote: “To take care of the exhalation is very important. To die is more important than trying to be alive. When we always try to be alive, we have trouble. Rather than trying to be alive or active, if we can be calm and die or fade away into emptiness, then naturally we will be alright. Buddha will take care of us. Because we have lost our mother's bosom, we do not feel like her child anymore. Yet fading away into emptiness can feel like being at our mother's bosom, and we will feel as though she will take care of us. Moment after moment, do not lose this practice of shikantaza. Various kinds of religious practice are included in this point. When people say “Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu," they want to be Amida Buddha's children. That is why they practice repeating Amida Buddha's name. The same is true with our zazen practice. If we know how to practice shikantaza, and if they know how to repeat Amida Buddha's name, it cannot be different. So we have enjoyment, we are free.” - Suzuki S. 2002. Not Always So, Harper Collins. p.7
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When you do nembutsu zen, you must be deadly serious, as serious as if you were dying. There is no such thing as casual zazen. Casual is not it. If you are seeking the still point, you must be completely still in body and mind, at least between breaths. After breathing out and after breathing in there is a hiatus, then the natural reflex sets in. If you allow it to be totally a reflex, then it is movement without movement, if you get my meaning. The breath moves, but you do not move. Actually, the breath may become very short, but this should not be because you have chosen to shorten it. You have chosen to do nem zen and to find the zero point, but you have not made any choice about long breath or short breath, but, nonetheless, it is likely that the breath becomes short and quiet. Then, perhaps a thought will drift into your mind. Perhaps you think, “I’m doing this quite well”, but this thought then easily hijacks your attention and probably another thought creeps in behind it. Then, maybe you notice what is happening and the thoughts blow away like clouds in the sky. When this really happens, sometimes there comes a spontaneous joy. It wells up. You can’t help a smile spreading, not just on your face, but all through your body. This is second dhyana. At this point it is especially important to keep to stillness. Just let it happen. Here, the “mida bu” can be a great help. The smile - the feeling of joy - may stay or go, nothing to worry about, but stay with the stillness in all seriousness.
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It is important to see nembutsu zen as religion. It is not just a physical keep fit, nor a psychological exercise. It is not for making you a better person - that might happen, but it is not the point. It is connecting you to the higher realm. It is a way by which to allow the Buddha to take hold, the Dharma to take over your life. It is like a kind of prayer: “I make this space in my heart; please come and fill it. Lead me. I am yours.” Do not worry about names, the Nameless will draw you forth, will take you to the place of no birth and no death. This is more serious than dying.
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Do not argue over whether there is or is not Buddha Nature. Try to understand what it is that is really being said. If we say that there is Buddha Nature, then we must immediately clarify that Buddha Nature has nothing to do with good and bad and that it cannot be possessed, though it can possess us. Do not say, “Find your Buddha Nature”, say “Let Buddha nature possess you”. If there is Buddha Nature, then it is to the spirit as the sky is to clouds. “We live in the world as if in the sky”, or as if “cloud and water”. It is called Buddha Nature because Buddhas are thus. They are beyond moral judgement. They do not punish. They encounter life and “So it is,” but they are not there. This is because they have found the zero point that gives rise to infinity. When one is founded on zero one is infinite. Even if the cosmos were consummed in fire, one will pass through the fire for, not I but the Dharma lives. Though one says “I do this and I do that”, it is not, never was and never will be I.